I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
