My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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