yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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