Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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