While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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