I can't watch pbs sober anymore
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Drake has all the answers
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize