Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
