So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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