It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
