He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
