.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
