Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We are all done wearing pants today
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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