I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
