I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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