you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were trust falling into bushes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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