real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
