allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
