My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize