I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
