Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
