I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize