Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
