I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
