walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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