I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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