Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm really busy with my period
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