I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
