quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
