im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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