She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
