i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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