I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
