Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
