You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
