I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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