Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
