and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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