I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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