Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
