will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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