you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
