I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
