she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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