he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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