No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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