I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
