I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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