you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
