i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
