I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
