Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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