That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I smell stomach acid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
