I wish I could teleport
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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