everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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