i jhust puked up my retainher.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i dont even know how to be here
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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