We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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