I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
